Tough News For Me This Week . . .

This past week has been a bit overwhelming for me. I knew what was coming but held out hope that it wouldn't be.

The day after I had my labs done, the doctor's office staff called me with alarm. My cholesterol was 550 (444 of that LDL.) I had a very severe reaction to the Statin I was on and had to be taken off of it. I have reacted badly to the second Statin as well. We are going to try a third as Dr. Haderlie is afraid I will suffer heart damage on top of all the kidney and liver trouble I am in. If this Statin doesn't work we will have to try something less effective in managing the cholesterol. The cholesterol is a direct result of the kidney challenges I am having - not at all related to diet.

Also, my protein loss remains very high. While I have felt better as a result of the medication, there is no improvement - only decline in my ability to process protein and provide what is needed to my blood.

This morning Dr. Haderlie told me we are out of easy options and it was time to pull out the heavy artillery. While we had hoped to give the efforts we were making until the end of March, it is critical that the time table be moved up. (I am so sorry Sara.) I left the office with many cautions and warnings and seven prescriptions. I will be on a schedule rotating between a month of Chemo Therapy and a month of very heavy steroid treatments. We had hoped to avoid this as these treatments bring some pretty heavy risks and yet to do nothing would be worse.

The Chemo I will have is not the same as the one used for say Lung Cancer. I will probably actually feel pretty good the months I am on Chemo. I will not loose my hair. If I did not tell you, you would not even know I was having Chemo. Dr. Haderile said the big risk is that it will shut down my immune system. (My problem is that my immune system is attacking my kidneys and if left unchecked, it will kill them.) We want to stop this attack while I still have good kidneys to save. He also stressed that while I am in this treatment program, I will have to be extra cautious staying away from any one with the slightest cold or infection. He said he knew this would impact the contact I would be able to have with grandchildren but it would be important that we all take things very seriously. Church attendance will be Okay but again I will need to be extra careful and trust others to be mindful as well.

The high doses of steroids are going to be a big challenge. The harshest of the steroids are the ones that have proven successful in battling this illness. I will have a ravenous appetite and could be challenged with more weight gain. He said if I am mindful of this, I can monitor my eating by watching the calories. The natural feeling of "being full" will not help because the steroids interfere with that signal. Even with the care I take with my eating, I will get very puffy.

Dr. Haderlie had so much to say, I am really overwhelmed. On these other side affects, I can't remember which are caused by the Chemo and which are caused by the steroids:

1. I will be at a higher risk for developing diabetes. This is a shock as heredity already puts me at a very high risk. I "think" this is related to the steroids. On the months I take the steroids, I should be extra careful diet wise as far as sugars go. I will have to clarify with the doctor if it is the steroid months or the chemo months that this applies.

2. The treatments put me at a higher risk of developing cancer.

3. My bones are going to take a hit. I will need to be on double the recommended doses of Vitamin D and Calcium to try and counteract the impact of the treatments.

4. The lining of my stomach will take a hit. I now have a prescription for an acid medication to counteract that.

5. I could suffer with insomnia. I have a prescription for sleep medication if that becomes an issue.

Because of all of the risks involved, I will now have the blood & urine tests and see the doctor every three weeks instead of six. Dr. Haderlie also gave me his cell phone number so that I could reach him at all times. I can't say enough how confident I feel in his care and ability to give me the best chance I can have.

Dr. Haderlie is hopeful we will see some positive results in six months. At that time we will re-evaluate. The longest we can utilize this treatment plan is one year. Because of the risk factors, shorter is better.

I don't know why this is my life at this point but I do trust in my Father in Heaven's love. I feel so blessed to know and understand The Plan of Salvation. I am confident that there is great purpose in this life and trust that I am clay in the hands of the potter. The sadness I have felt the last couple of days as I have come to terms with what was coming will not get me down! I am in the process of taking a deep breath and allowing myself to be comforted by the power and warmth of the Holy Ghost. Those of you who know me best know that for me control is a very big deal. I think it is an especial challenge for those whose childhoods are out of control. I have to let go and trust God in a way almost as great as I have had to do as a mother and that is big.

I am also very aware that there are many whose struggles are much greater than mine. This is life! We each have our share of blessings and challenges that is for sure.

Please keep Claigh in your prayers as well. I am very aware of the challenge this is for him. We had other plans for our lives at this time. Our hopes for missions after retirement are still there but who knows the way things will go.

There are things I can't control but I am determined to do all that I can to regain full health God willing. I look back over my life and marvel at His hand in my life all along the way. Forward and onward!